Cat Lovers Unite!!!

My very astute friend Kathy Jackson wrote this allegory to the homosexual agenda a while back - Its pretty good.

Cat Lovers Unite!

This is a rallying call to correct a great social injustice. Cat lovers everywhere must awake and recognize the gross inequality imbedded in the civil code of Pleasanton and many other municipalities in the form of biased rules limiting the issuance of dog licenses to the owners of dogs. Those of us who do not like dogs, who, through no fault of our own, are afraid of dogs, allergic to dogs, or just naturally inclined to prefer cats are denied our basic civil rights to apply for and obtain dog licenses in our municipalities. We are being persecuted and singled out because of our pet preferences, and we must take action today.

So

1. Go to your city offices and demand to be issued a dog license for your cat. After all, cats are just as good as dogs! and we love our cats just as much as dog lovers love their dogs, and that is what is important after all. You may encounter some of the following arguments from the administration:

First, that your cat is not a dog, and dog licenses are for dogs. Take this as an insult. Become offended, and insist that this is a bigotted anti-feline statement. Who are they to suggest such a narrow minded interpretation of the purpose of a dog license.

Second, they may suggest that you have the same right as anyone else to go buy or adopt a dog and apply for a dog license. Do not be confused or softened by the obvious logic of this argument. Take it as an insult. Become offended, and insist that this is a bigotted, anti-feline statement. You cannot help the fact that you prefer cats to dogs. You were born that way, and cats are just an alternate pet choice. Everyone should be entitled to choose whatever pet they naturally prefer, and get a dog license for it.

Third , that, since dogs are different from cats, society has established different responsibilities and privileges to each, such as leash laws and rabies vaccinations. Take this as an insult. Become offended, and insist that this is a bigotted, anti-feline statement. Just because societies throughout time have seen cats and dogs differently is a sorry excuse for denying someone their civil rights.

Fourth, that if dog licenses are issued to cats, it would threaten the very legal or societal definition of what a dog license, or a dog for that matter is. Take this as an insult. Become offended, and insist that this is a bigotted anti-feline statement. Insist that the issuance of dog licenses to cats, far from taking away or confusing the meaning of what dog licenses are, would enhance it, and only add to the beauty of dog licenses as an institution. Look deeply wounded, maybe tear up a little and ask the totally rational question, "Why are you so hateful and selfish? How does giving dog licenses to cats diminish the meaning of your dog's license?" Point out that many dog owners are irresponsible and do not love their dogs or care for them properly. They get dog licenses, why can't you? Do not be discouraged that this has nothing to do with the argument. Throw it in there anyways. It is inflamatory, and cannot be argued against. Insist that the love of your pet is the only issue.

Fifth, They may suggest that issuing dog licenses to cats would open the door for other animals to apply, like birds, fish, hamsters, or even non-animal pets, like pet rocks. They may suggest that stretching the definition of "dog" that far would, in the end make it meaningless. Again, do not be confused by the logic of such an argument. You are not suggesting that licenses be issued to rocks. That is absurd. You just want to have one for your beloved cat. You have waited all your life for this chance. Quickly change the subject, becoming offended and accusing them of bigotry is always good.

Sixth, be especially wary if the city, to assuage their concience and keep you from feeling injured, suggest they create such a thing as a cat license, and allow you to apply for that instead. They may even make the two legally exactly the same as far as rights and privileges. Do not be placated. Keep your eye on the goal here. You do not want a Cat license. You want a Dog license and your rights are being denied if you receive anything else. So, take this as an insult. Become offended, and insist that this is a bigotted and anti-feline idea.

By now, you will probably have been issued a dog license. If not, go to another city, or better yet, take it to the California Supreme Court. They will assuredly see the impeccable legal argument here, and will overturn all existing dog licensing laws in the state. After all, who will it hurt?

2. Now the real fun begins. With your dog license in hand, go sign your cat up for a dog obedience class. If you are denied entry, sue the obedience school. You will win. Now that you are in the class, bring your cat and set it right down there amidst all those dogs. If it is chased, scared, or hurt in any way, you guessed it, sue the obedience school. Sue the dog owners. Sue whoever you can. Bring as many cases as high up in the courts as you can. The ACLU should be very helpful.

You may notice that obedience schools all over the state close, since they are now in a catch-22 situation. You should feel happy about this. After all, these were the same bigots that denied you your dog license for so many years. They deserve to suffer. In fact, you may notice that dog obedience classes all over the country shut down. This is great!

3. Now move on to dog parks. Take your cat/dog to your local dog park and plop it right down there with all those off leash dogs. Proceed as you did above, if anyone objects to your presence, sue them. If they relent and your pet is insulted, scared, or injured in any way, sue them, and the city. In this way, you should soon shut down all dog parks in the state. Isn't this fun.

Use your imagination about other ways you can ruin the lives of dog owners. Remember, our goal here is to abolish the very institution of dog ownership, but don't tell anyone this. Insist that it is all about your rights and the love between you and your pet. Oh, and don't forget to be offended. That seems to work really well.

If you run out of ideas, buy an iguana.